Dream A Little Dream
by Coral
Summary: Chakotay has insomnia


Dream A Little Dream  
By Coral  
  
  
Disclaimer: Simple physics, Captain... Paramount must've failed their Chemistry Exams, though.  
  
  
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Chakotay sighed and turned over in his bed, feeling uncomfortably hot, even though he'd turned the environmental controls down as far as he dared to. His blankets tangled annoyingly around his legs, creating another frustration, and he felt all sweaty and awkward. His mind seemed to be keeping up an endless monologue about nothing at all and, try as he might, he couldn't clear his thoughts enough to sleep. He hadn't even managed to clear it enough to meditate, despite trying for an hour. Warm milk from the replicator - which normally sent him to sleep from its sheer sleep factor - had done nothing, and not even the ship's status reports had bored him to sleep, although he normally found himself nodding off over them on his duty shift.   
  
He flopped over onto his stomach, conscious of the late hour, knowing he had an early duty shift, and really should sleep. Stupidly, the realisation that he should sleep just served to chase any chance of rest further away, adding a further load to his mind as it picked at and worried about the stupidest things.   
  
He wondered how hard he would have to hit his head to knock himself out.   
  
He could have gone down to sickbay, of course, but that felt vaguely like cheating in some way. Besides, it meant getting out of bed, which he was actually too tired to do. Uncomfortable though it was, getting up meant utilising energy that he just didn't have. So he'd stay here, tossing and turning, and getting tireder, and hotter, and more and more frustrated.   
  
Groaning, Chakotay turned onto his side, readjusting the pillow as he did so. Belatedly, he realised that doing the two actions separately would have wasted more of the time that stretched before him, but, by then, it was too late. Instead, he now had a few extra seconds to waste. The thought made him more annoyed, and he visualised himself hitting the pillow in frustration.   
  
It didn't help much, really, he realised as he cuddled his teddy closer to him. He needed something to hold. He always got like this after Prixin - acutely aware of just how alone he was out here. The Prixin Party was always a celebration of the present; the Voyager Family, old and new. But the night was a different story - under the cover of darkness, the ghosts of the dead and those left behind came creeping back, as if to seek revenge... or maybe just company in their loneliness.   
  
Chakotay closed his eyes, trying to will himself to sleep. It didn't help much, either; he instead got a mental image of Tuvok waving an old watch in front of his eyes chanting, "You are feeling sleepy... very sleepy...", which Chakotay had known already anyway. The watch looked rather like the one he'd considered replicating for Kathryn once - an old chronometer that had belonged to a man in the Navy. His story had reminded him of Voyager's. A ship lost too far away, damaged, that might not make it back.   
  
In the end, he hadn't replicated it, scared she would reject the gift. Why he'd thought this, he'd never mean quite sure - it wasn't a very Kathryn move - but a niggly voice at the back of his head told him that the replicator rations could be better spent elsewhere. Strangely, the voice sounded very much like Kathryn's, though why she was in his head was beyond him, especially at this time at the morning. She had her own head, after all, and it might get lonely if she were out of it for too long. She should go back to her own bed.   
  
No, not the right word. Head.   
  
Chakotay caressed Kathryn's hair before drawing her close to him and nuzzling against her neck. Her skin felt so soft and her hair so silky under his gentle touch.   
  
Then his eyes flew wide open.   
  
"Kathryn?" he choked out, trying to remove the arm that she was lying on from underneath her body without upsetting her too much. Quite what she was doing there was beyond him, never mind how she'd managed to get there without him noticing.   
  
"Hm?" Her eyes remained closed, and Chakotay realised with a blush that she wasn't wearing much; just a peach silk nightgown. He gulped. This had to be a dream... yes, he'd finally dropped off, and now he was sleeping... and dreaming...   
  
"What are you doing...?"   
  
"Sleeping," came the quiet murmur. She wriggled a little, nestling herself further down in his arms, and trapping him where he was.   
  
"Kathryn, you're in my bed..." Chakotay began, trailing off as she finally opened her clear eyes, turning them to him; they seemed unnaturally bright compared to the darkness. She looked so delicate and fragile there - he so often saw Captain Janeway that he sometimes forgot Kathryn the woman.   
  
"I know..." she said. "I just... needed company."   
  
If it was only a dream, what did it matter? He should just go along with it, be thankful that he was asleep at last, even if his sleep was plagued with dreams of things he could never have. This was probably just a manifestation of the loneliness he'd been feeling tonight, nothing more. Indulging himself in a dream wasn't going to get him courtmartialled, after all.   
  
"Me too..." he murmured in agreement, drawing her close to him. "Now, sleep..."   
  
He closed his own eyes, starting to drift. And, before he knew it, darkness fell over him...   
  
  
  
If they had been on a planet, light would have been streaming through the window. Instead, it fell from the light fittings on the walls, spilling over the bed in Chakotay's quarters, waking him gently. He fidgeted, trying to ignore the fact that he should get up; it seemed like only a moment ago he'd fallen asleep.   
  
Eventually, he couldn't put it off any longer, and he had to sit up, shaking his arm as he did so. It had gone numb overnight - he must have been sleeping on it awkwardly, although it hadn't felt like -   
  
Kathryn.   
  
The floodgate opened, and the hazy memories of the night before came sweeping in. Kathryn. Had she really been here, after all? Standing up, Chakotay looked back over his bed. Was that a second depression in the mattress?   
  
Or had it all just been a dream...?  
  
END 


End file.
